A Jumping Death Trap Walks Into a Bar
by TwistingMoonbeam
Summary: UNDATEABLE ON NBC STORY. Danny buys a cheap pogo stick off the street and wants to use it to complete his bucket list, but Justin has a bad feeling it's not safe. When Justin tries to stop Danny, he ends up paying the price - with hilarity, wild goose chases, and a sweet moment or two ensuing. R&R!
1. Part 1: Of Death Traps and Jumping Puns

**A Jumping Death Trap Walks Into a Bar**

**Part 1**

"Yo, Baby Bird," Danny called. "Got any champagne back there?"

Justin looked up from his third attempt at swabbing the bar clean of lime juice (how did that stuff get _everywhere_?) and made a face. "Dude, it's a _bar. _What do you think I am, some kind of amateur?"

"I dunno," Danny drawled, crossing the bar from the entrance and standing before Justin and his ragtag group of undateables. "I didn't want to assume, since Zayn left One Direction and everything. I thought you'd have put everything else in storage to make room for your butterscotch liqueur. I get it, man, we've all gotta drink away the pain sometimes."

Justin grimaced, his hand going to the nearly empty flask he was hiding under the bar top. "First of all, I _completely _support his decision," he lied. "Second: why do you need champagne? Did beer finally numb your tongue?"

"It can _do that_?" Candace asked in shock.

"After a while," Brett reaffirmed. "One time, Burski got rejected so hard and drank so much, he tasted it in his _sleep_."

From his table, Burski sat up and glared. "I told you never to bring that up again, dude!"

"Huh, I guess you did," Brett sang, not at all perturbed. "Must've forgotten. I guess I had a little bit too much to drink that night, too."

"_Anyway_," Danny cut in, rolling his eyes. "I'm asking for it because your boy Danny did a thing. An _awesome _thing."

"You scheduled a hair cut?" Brett guessed.

"Did you finally send Scarlett Johansson that letter you told me about?" Burski asked.

"You got that restraining order lifted!" Shelly shouted.

"No, no, and court isn't 'till October," Danny replied, pinching the space in-between his eyebrows. "No, no, gentlemen and Candace, your boy Danny…got a _pogo stick_."

Everyone gasped. Even Justin couldn't keep his jaw from dropping a little. Danny had been going on for months about how it was on his bucket list to successfully pogo ten times in a row with no wobbling. Of course, in order to do that, Danny needed a pogo stick and he needed to know how to use it. Up until that day, neither had been a reality.

"Where did you get a pogo stick?" Justin asked, throwing his towel over his shoulder.

"Some guy was selling it at a gas station for five bucks!" Danny told him, flipping the collar of his leather jacket. "Is that a bargain or what?"

"Um, _or what_," Justin said, frowning. "Dude, you can't seriously think using a five-dollar pogo stick is safe. The thing's gotta be a jumping death trap."

"_Pauline _is not a 'jumping death trap,'" Danny retorted, using air quotes and mimicking Justin's voice. "And yes, her name is Pauline. I like alliteration. Besides, we'll all just cover each other if we fall. So, enough tiddlywinking. Anyone wanna jump on board?"

"You had me at the jumping pun," Candace gushed.

"I'm always in when it comes to a Pauline," Burski agreed.

"Aw, what the hell?" Shelly said, shrugging. "I've always wanted to be the first black Tigger."

They started out of Black Eyes, ignoring Justin's calls of warning. He turned to Brett and threw the towel down on the bar. "Ugh, that long haired idiot is gonna get himself or one of my friends killed! I've gotta go stop them."

"Dude, go for it," Brett said, starting on making himself a martini. "I can hold down the fort. It's, er, not that crowded today."

They were the only two left in the bar.

"Thanks, man," Justin shouted over his shoulder. Pushing the front door open, he glanced around, desperate to find his friends before something went wrong. It was crazy to him how only _Danny _could vanish in such an open part of Detroit. But then he heard Danny's sucky Arnold Schwarzenegger impression to his left and followed it down the sidewalk until he came to an alleyway, where his friends were gathered. A pogo stick with chipping red and blue paint was between them, one of the handles bent and the spring making a sound that sent shivers down Justin's spine.

"Guys! Seriously?" he asked, entering the alleyway, hands in the air.

"What?" Danny demanded, quirking an eyebrow. "There's more room for fun back here. Wanna watch me go first?"

Justin cut into the circle and stood between Danny and Pauline. "Dude, I can't let you do this. You're gonna get hurt, Leslie's gonna get pissed—she's already locked in another war with the gym over falsely advertising her calves! This'll send her over the deep end."

"Bro, you are overreacting. Give Pauline some credit! She may be down, but she's sure as hell not out."

"Um, news flash, Danny: she looks like she's been out since pogo sticks were invented!" Justin cried. "I can't let you be even more of an idiot than usual."

Danny narrowed his eyes, as if accepting a challenge. "You dare stand between me and the love of my life?"

"Well, not exactly, since it's a tinkered hunk of metal," Justin said, confused. "But, um, sure, let's call it that."

Danny reached out and grabbed the end of the pogo stick, and he and Justin engaged in what Justin could only call the stupidest game of tug-of-war he'd ever experienced. And he _sucked _at tug-of-war. War flashbacks of getting pulled into mud piles made him realize he wasn't going to beat Danny at a game of strength. So he held up a hand and yelled, "Okay, okay, stop!"

Danny complied, but his hands were still tight around his half of the pogo stick. "What?"

"Let's compromise," Justin huffed. "Let _me _go first." He looked around at Burski, Shelly, and Candace for support. "If the thing is safe, then I'll be fine. But I'd rather it me than any of you, if _Pauline _really is a jumping death trap."

Danny groaned, releasing his hold. "Fine, _fine. _Have your cake of seatbelts and ultra-cushioned helmets and eat it, too."

Justin uneasily got a hand around each handle and lifted one leg onto the foothold. The thing didn't feel stable at all, but he couldn't chicken out and let one of his friends get hurt. So, with a deep breath, he hiked his second leg up and started to bounce.

He'd used a pogo stick before—it had, unbelievably, been a sports option when he'd played Annie that one summer—but he could tell this thing was bad news. The spring made a noise that was a mix between a squeal and a screech—a _squreech_, Justin realized with a wince. _This is a bad idea. _But when he made a move to jump off, the top half of the pogo stick split completely apart, and then Justin was falling.

He hit the gravel with an outstretched hand, and there was a horrible crack in his forearm. Justin released a scream so loud that a group of nearby pigeons took flight in alarm.

He'd hit his head, too, and now everything was getting fuzzy. The last thing he saw before passing out was the beginning of a cuss word starting to form around the edges of Danny's mouth.


	2. Part 2: Normalcy, Schmormalcy

**A Jumping Death Trap Walks Into a Bar**

**Part 2**

"So, uh," Burski said. "I guess you could say Baby Bird…broke his wing?"

Danny raised his head from between his knees and shot Burski one of his infamous Danny glares. "Dude. Seriously?"

"What?" Burski asked innocently, but he shrank back nonetheless. "I thought it was funny…"

Sighing, Danny resumed his position and leaned over, hanging his head between his knees and interlocking his hands. God, he had really messed up this time—like, _really _messed up. Not only had he wasted five perfectly good bucks on the sorry excuse for a pogo stick, but now Justin was getting both bits of his radius and ulna realigned in a bed down the hall. Danny's best friend was at the hospital—_again_—because Danny was an idiot.

If Justin was going to insist keeping up this friendship, maybe he should get a hospital punch card…

The worst part about the whole thing was that Justin had _saved _Danny. If Justin hadn't stepped in, Danny would be the one getting a cast fitted around his arm. And Danny had frickin' _fought _him on it! Danny had spit witty comment after witty comment before Justin had physically tried to yank Pauline away. Admittedly, _that _had pissed him off a bit—growing up with a sibling had made him possessive of anything he got the chance to call _his_—but he shouldn't have let Justin try it out first, nor should he have pushed Justin enough to actually try out the thing when it really hadn't looked too hot. Really, Danny realized miserably, the whole situation boiled down to three simple facts: Danny had done something dumb, Justin had tried to stop him, and Justin had paid the price anyway.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

"There he is!" Brett hissed.

Danny's eyes flashed up. Justin walked into the hospital waiting room, sporting a cast that took up most of his arm. His mouth was set in a scowl that he immediately sent Danny's way upon noticing him. Danny winced, rubbing the back of his neck. He was gonna have to do some major sucking up to make up for this one.

"Hey, dude, how's the arm?" Burski asked.

Justin shrugged, glaring down at his cast. "Very broken and slightly numb. The doctor said I'm going to have this for a bit." The glare shot in Danny's direction. "I guess I shouldn't _jump into things _too quickly for a while, huh?"

"Oh, don't try to passive aggressively pun me into feeling guilty," Danny groaned.

Justin, not thinking, pointed at him with the cast before reeling back in pain. "I most certainly _will _pun you into feeling guilty," he forced out through gritted teeth. "_Do _you even feel guilty? This cast weighs more than my head, Danny!"

"I don't doubt it. Ugh, look, dude…" Danny sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I—I'm sorry, Baby Bird. I should've listened to you, I know. I made a bad choice and you paid for it. You were just trying to keep me out of trouble."

"_Us _out of trouble," Shelly added, nodding solemnly. "We're all sorry."

"Mostly me," Danny interjected. "'Cause I'm, like, _really _sorry."

Justin's shoulders relaxed, the tension flushed away. He gave a weak smile at them all, even Danny, who instantly felt relieved. "It's cool, guys. I don't blame you, really. I blame the pogo stick, if anything. Let's just head back to the bar."

_Pauline. _Danny hadn't even thought about the thing since arriving at the hospital with a hysterical Justin. What was he gonna do with it? It had broken into bits when Justin had tried to ride it, and was probably still in the alley. He hadn't even bothered to pick up the pieces in all the craziness to rush Justin to the hospital. _Maybe a homeless guy stole it_, Danny thought hopefully.

Returning to Black Eyes, they all watched with pity as Justin tried to make himself a drink behind the bar, only to drop two glasses and a handful of limes. Brett rushed in to help, causing Justin to complain, "I own a sweet bar like this and I can't even make any drinks!"

"Relax, Justin," Leslie soothed at her seat at the bar. "You've got Candace and Brett, right?"

"Absolutely!" Candace jumped in, making a face at an order she'd just taken. "This guy is such a weirdo. He wants a cranberry in his glass of vodka! To each their own, I guess."

Justin buried his face into his good hand. "We're _doomed_."

"Besides," Leslie added on with a hopeful smile, "even with a broken arm, you can still walk around the bar and make that weird proud little face of yours."

"My _what_?" Justin demanded.

"Oh, dude, you've never noticed?" Danny slid in quickly, grinning. A part of him desperately wanted everything to return to normalcy, even though he couldn't ignore Justin's cast in the corner of his eye. "Sometimes, you just walk around the war and just nod and smirk to yourself, like a captain that's super proud of his own ship." Danny mimicked the gesture: a big, boastful grin spreading across his face and widening his eyes goofily, nodding and crossing his arms over his chest as he inspected a spot on the floor.

Justin laughed hard, holding his stomach with his good hand. "I do _not _do that!"

"I've got proof!" Shelly cried, fishing out his phone. Laughing, he presented the group with a video of Black Eyes being crowded, but Justin strolling in the background alone, hand on his chin, nodding, and smirking as he analyzed the railing to the front door's stairs.

"That was probably taken completely out of context!" Justin insisted.

"Sure, sure, dude," Burski said, hand over his mouth to muffle his giggles. "Then how do you explain this similar video I took last night?"

They all laughed together, and Danny couldn't help but feel pretty great. Justin had forgiven him, and the whole Pauline fiasco could be swept under the rug. Not entirely, considering Danny would have to face Justin's stupid cast every day, but enough to where their friendship would be intact. Seeing how pissed Justin had been coming into the waiting room had been a little scary, and Danny had feared the worst. But Justin had been cool about it, as the best of bros were, so Danny could start letting go of his guilt and moving onto making it up to Justin in tiny, subtle ways that would go unnoticed.

Or, at least, Danny could have, if the guy who had sold him the death trap pogo stick hadn't walked into the bar.


End file.
